Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
Why was the stadium so hot?
Because all the fans left!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
