Vegetable jokes
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Potato.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What do you call a washed vegetable?
A disabled kid that needs a towel.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.