Vegetable jokes
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
I like to eat mom's spaghetti. Now try it with the NEWWWW VEGETTIIII, turn any vegetable into pasta!
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!
Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Potato.