Nursing Home jokes

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?

A Sundown Smackdown.

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.