Vegetable jokes
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.