How do rappers stay cool?
They use RAP-SICLES.
US Jokes
Leo is as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Osama bin Laden rated America.
He gave us a 9/11.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked.
Now it’s $3.99.
