US jokes
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.
Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
What kind of flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising flour.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?
Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.