German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.
American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.
African XP farms: Cotton field.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.
And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.
Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
