Ups jokes

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.

You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Why did the rapper become a painter?

To brush up on his rhymes!

What is George Floyd’s best pick up line?

"You're breathtaking."

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!