A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed- He wakes up under it...
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'
I had a boyfriend once, he broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive," guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Today Me and My Best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge and i told him to back up, R.I.P to him.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old ladies house...
Oh my! Goodness sakes child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both
I was in an audition for the lead role of movie 'Aquaman'. The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.Shame on you penaldo for destroying my dream
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........ IMAGINE
he never has a bad day
because he always wake’s up on both sides on the bed
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master? Stand up.
my husband is mad that i have no sense of direction. so i packed up my stuff and right.
Stairs are bad cuz they are always up to something
a guy stuffed some cigarrets up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors. The next day he could see only one color... Black
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with "I think I need to break up with you"
I heard there was a kidnapping
Don't worry he woke up
In the back of a van
It was his father's
Friend who was a priest
He was just bringing him to church
anyone want to eat me up im in that kind of mood right now
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat and the priest says bad boys and then his friend says what Kibab do you want and the priest says bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do
i saw a depressed kid and i gave him a lamp to lighten up his day
I was given my Electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me cauz I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up too.
