Ups

Ups jokes

Girl

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

Skinny

You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.

Mama

Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.

Sex

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Part

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

Gratitude

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

Oyster

What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!

Ukraine

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

Sky

What do you call the sky? Up high, high! AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dad

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

Egg

What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.

Parkinson

Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.

He really shook things up today.