Ups jokes
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
Memes
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
A project where people get lined up to be changed.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
Nostalgia hits you like a train.
It's so hard, you can even wake up.
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.
Yo hairline is too pushed back, looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
Shut your transparent hairline up.
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.