Ups jokes
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.
Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
How do you know if a rapper is lying?
His rhymes don't add up.
Why did the rapper take up gardening?
Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
What did the rapper say to his shoes?
"You better lace up!"
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"