Ups jokes

CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.

Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.

Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.

The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.

Yo mama so dumb she bought a toolkit to open up a Roth IRA.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.

Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.

How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?

In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.

Roses are tree.

I shoved a battery up my butt.

Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

Roses are red,

Lilies are white,

One race ends up dead

And the other ends up bright.

I woke up in my bed today.

You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.