Ups jokes
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Yo hairline is too pushed back, looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
If y'all look up freshfry jokes, I'll come up. About a year ago, I had a bunch of friends on this app.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
What animal jumps the highest?
An emo kid, some of them are still up there.
It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.
Do you want to hear a cold joke?
Can't. It warmed up.