Ups jokes
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
Memes
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
A project where people get lined up to be changed.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.