Ups jokes

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

Who do you call to clean up foul language?

A cuss-todian!

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean, he just blew up overnight!

Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.

If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.

A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.