Ups jokes

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.

As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.

Why can't two eggs tell jokes?

Because they will crack each other up!