Traffic jokes
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.