Traffic jokes

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

Please take this down, it's not funny at all!

It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

What type of jam can you not eat?

Traffic jam.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?

Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.

What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?

Run over.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

Why didn't Sally get home from work?

She got hit by a bus.