Traffic jokes
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.