Traffic jokes
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.