Traffic jokes
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.