Red Light jokes
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
I always press the stop button to see you.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Driver's License-By- watersharky Music Productions and Olivia Rodrigo-
I got my driver's license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else? And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them 'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you And I know we weren't perfect But I've never felt this way for no one, oh And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing Over all the noise God, I'm so blue, know we're through But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street...
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
Community
....help I'm in the car with my father and he keeps sharpening his knife at every red light
Lock eyes from across the room Down my drink while the rhythms boom Take your hand and skip the names No need here for the silly games Make our way through the smoke and crowd The club is the sky, and I'm on your cloud Move in close as the lasers fly Our bodies touch and the angels cry Leave this place, go back to yours Our lips first touch outside your doors A whole night, what we've got in store Whisper in my ear t… Read more
I walks up to my girlfriend and says to her, “Want to play the firetruck game?” She says, “Sure, how do you play it?” I says, “I place my finger at the bottom of your leg and run it up, and you say red light when you want me to stop.” She says yes, and I begin. I start to get close to reaching up her skirt, she says, “Red light!” I looks at her and I smile wickedly and says, “Firetrucks don’t stop for red lights.” She laughs as I start to rape her.