Traffic jokes

Teacher: Why were you late?

Me: Traffic.

Teacher: Did I did it?

Me: Did I even blame it on you?

Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?

He ran at a stomp light!

What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

Momentum.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles at traffic, it slows down.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

It’s because she’s dead.

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

Why are orphans lucky?

Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?

That.

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?

A: Blue stop signs.

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.