Worst Jokes Ever

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

"Wanna play the rape game?"

"No!!!!"

"That's the spirit!"

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”