Worst Jokes Ever
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...
...but it left him hanging.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"