Worst Jokes Ever
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
Q: What do you call a group of transgender women?
A: The X-Men.
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.