Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between your dad and cancer?
Cancer came back...
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."
Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."
Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."
So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."
And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."
Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."
I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.
An Irishman walks into a pub.
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
I just
Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!
Are you the Twin Towers?
Because I want to smash you.
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Yo hairline is a distraction to my education.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.