My family is like a treasure…
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
During WWI and WWII the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches, I bet they really dig that weapon
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern Son: "Dad, it’s creepy out here!" Dad: “You’re complaining? I’m the one that has to leave the woods alone!”