Time jokes
Why do dads take time to get?
Milk?
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.
If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
What do you call an orphan's family region?
Me time.
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.