Time jokes

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

What’s 23 times 2?

A potato.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

What is a good night for you?

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

12/8?

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

What is the shortest month of the year?

May, it only has 3 letters!

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

Because they don't have father's and mother's days.