Time jokes
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵💫
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?
Happy for the first time.
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.