Time jokes

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

What is a good night for you?

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

12/8?

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

What is the shortest month of the year?

May, it only has 3 letters!

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

Because they don't have father's and mother's days.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox...

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.