Time jokes

What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

"It's Sunday evening!"

"No. It's Monday eve."

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?

Happy for the first time.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

What age is served for breakfast?

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

What’s 23 times 2?

A potato.