Time jokes

What age is served for breakfast?

What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?

Happy for the first time.

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

12/8?

What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

The letter M.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.