Time jokes
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Hey Siri, skip to Friday!
Memes
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”
childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵💫
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Eons it takes to Daveon the haters.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.