Time jokes

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

12/8?

What is a good night for you?

Five more days.

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

Because they don't have father's and mother's days.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

I keep hearing "Obesity kills."

My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?

A period.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox...

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.