Time jokes

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

12/8?

Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!

Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?

A period.

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.

Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!

When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?

Hey Siri, skip to Friday!

911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.

Time for a remake!

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.