Time jokes
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
WJE officially a gone memory.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What's an emo's favorite time of year?
Fall.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.