Time jokes
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
What age is served for breakfast?
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.