Time jokes
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Memes
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What's an emo's favorite time of year?
Fall.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!