Attention

Attention Jokes

Girlfriend

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

  • 2
  • Orphan

    Why did the orphan commit mass murder?

    To be on top of the wanted list.

    Depression

    Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

    Wife

    I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

    Memes

    Dark Humor

    Rules of Dark humor:

    1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

    2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

    3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

    I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

    - Sincerely, Zane

    Mistake

    Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

    Shit

    I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.

    Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?

    School shooting

    A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

  • 4
  • Fart

    The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

    Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

  • 8
  • Rizz

    Rizz,

    Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

    Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

    No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

    You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

    Teacher

    One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

  • 5
  • Africa

    You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

  • 5
  • Rape

    Why is rape worse than death?

    Because dead people get way more attention.

  • 1
  • Number

    I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?

    ADHD

    Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

    Their focus is always off.

    Depression

    I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.