Time jokes

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

Me: September is here!

[Labor Day comes]

Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”

Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?

To keep track of his rhyme time.

One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...

...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's Morphine Time.

One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!

Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.

A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"

What time is it when you say no to everything? Time to get bored.

What time is it when you get mad 😡 at school? Time to calm down.

What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?

Ben or Chris?

Why did the little girl cry twice?

Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.

The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.

My friend: How?

Justin: Justin!

This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.

One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.

What did the chancla say to the belt?

"It's time."

My teacher: Time can't count.

Me: Every second counts.

My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.