Time jokes
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
What did the chancla say to the belt?
"It's time."
One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Old people all ways get in the way some times don't they all ways to sloow when they are in front of you and make silly exsgouses dont they it is some times beyond a joke ! Lol
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!