Time jokes

I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

What do you call a winter time contact?

A Santa Claus.

Alright listen up you penis sucking chicken muching grape juice sipping BLACKIE!!! This is Explain Bear here to explain the joke. So the joke of “Why did the chicken cross the road” is that you expect it to be a funny punchline. But instead, you get a straightforward answer “To get to the other side” which is the logical explanation to that question. The humor is found in subversion to the subversion of expectation. Double whammy!!! So yeah that was another joke successfully explained by EXPLAIN BEAR!!!!! Dont forget to like and subscribe to my youtube channel, and until next time, BEAR OUT!!!!!!!

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

What do you call a person with only one arm?

Half-assed.

Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?

Because they don't have a Father's Day.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."