Time jokes
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Memes
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
What did the chancla say to the belt?
"It's time."
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Old people all ways get in the way some times don't they all ways to sloow when they are in front of you and make silly exsgouses dont they it is some times beyond a joke ! Lol
"Yo mama's so fat, that I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing today!"