Time jokes

I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

Why did Lucas die?

'Cause he was old, Lucas.

Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.

One time I went to high-five someone. I've been left hanging ever since.

I did have a good [time].

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

Now it's time to make fun of Asians.

What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.

Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

I poo 11 times a day.

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A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."