Time jokes
By day I like girls, by night I like boys, but you, I wouldn’t like you at dusk or dawn.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Yo momma so fat, I took a picture of her 1 year ago, and it's still printing.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Say "urine egger" five times fast.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Deja Vu.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
What goes in and takes a while to come out?
Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕
I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.
Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick
One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.