Time jokes
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
There was a dino at the library today.
It was reading a thesaurus.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
"My love, I missed you."
"Aww, I missed you too."
"I did not miss *that* time!"
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
You remind me of a pencil.
Why?
Because at one time, you actually made a valid point. This time, everything is pointless with you around.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
I put my uncle's ashes in my Taco Bell so he could tear my ass up one more time.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.
Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!