Time jokes

"What time is it?"

"Daytime."

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary.

Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?

Because they don't have a Father's Day.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

Because it was all about the TIMING.

I poo 11 times a day.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?

Because they don’t know what a mummy is.

Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?