Time jokes
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
I did have a good [time].
Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.
Which flies cannot be seen?
Time flies.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!