Time jokes
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.
Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."
Kid: 😭
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
Kiwi: she's here!!
2022
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!