Time jokes
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
Memes
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
Kiwi: she's here!!
2022
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!