Time jokes

Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.

Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

I poo 11 times a day.

"What time is it?"

"Daytime."

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

What’s red and white and black all over?

A dead white man at night time!

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

What time is it when you have a toothache?

2:30 (Tooth hurty).

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?

Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."