Time jokes

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

Don't hate life, love it because when you want to live and try again in life, it's already too late. :(

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!

Student: Oh, did I miss anything?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

Say "joke" 5 times.

Oh, nothing happened.

What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

I poo 11 times a day.

What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?

They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.

If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,

I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.

If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?