If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.
When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.
What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you ♥️.
Hi person reading this.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
