Man

BigDickBobby

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been fucked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE FUCKED!”

Memory

Bloodcurdling scream

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

a stab wound

Friend

What's it to ya?

Me: I kiss my mom on the lips Friend: Uh, I guess that’s somewhat nor- Me: Lower lips Friend: I gotta go

Sister

YEEYEEMUTHERF...ER

Name Something you practiced kissing on as a kid.

Sister SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Man

ImPorkingYourMom

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say “Dad I have to go to school soon”

Eye

Versace_Scar

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that’s why it’s so hard to identify the rapist.

Hope

Papyrus

I GAVE UP HOPE AND I LIKED IT!! I TAKE MEDS TO FEEL FANTASTIC! (i kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})

Fart

LACHLAN

I DIDNT FART MY ASS LIKES YOU SO MUCH IT JUST BLEW YOU A KISS!

Wife

smartass

A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. “What is the matter with you?” the man thinks aloud. “Well, that’s how I was born, I’m actually a faulty parrot” says the bird. “Haha,” the man laughs, “it seems like that parrot understands what I’m saying and even answers!” “I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated,” says the bird. “Well, if you’re so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs.” “Well,” says the parrot, “it’s a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers.” “Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?” “Yes, yes,” replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. “Sorry, I can not afford that.” “Psst,” whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says “Pssssssssssst” while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. “I do not know if I should tell you this,” says the parrot, “but it’s about your wife and the postman.” “What!?” says the man. “Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth.” “And then,” the man hisses, “What happened then?” “Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere.” “My God,” says the now furious man, “And what else did they do?” “Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down.” “And then, what happened, what else did they do?” the man screams . “No idea,” says the papgaai, “I got a boner and thundered off my stick …”

See

Anonymous

Why did the dog want a kiss cause he can see his knees

Dad

Anonymous

I told my dad that I’m gay he replied ‘’no your retarded”,then he went off to kiss a baby

Priest

Anonymous

A monk asks the priest if it’s okay to kiss a nun. The priest replies “just as don’t get in the habit”

Saw

Anonymous

You know the song I saw mommy and Santa kissing apparently santas the mailman

Sister

Some cringy guy 68

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little? Me: My sister SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

Candy

Anonymous

What is a necrophiliac’s favorite candy? A Hearsey’s Kiss

Girl

Lil' Gurls

A happy little girl was running on the grass, she saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space and she started crying, the two gay guys heard her crying and then they asked her: " why are you crying? ", the little girl answered: " this is the first time i see an unnatural nature " . 😂😂😂😂

Mouth

Peter Griffin

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but If I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

Time

Anonymous

one time in camp i kissed my bunkmate bret in the shower. he cupped my breasts and lathered them in prell, But im totally not gay… :)

Men

Anonymous

Jeremy likes to kiss men HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bill

Raccooneggs

plz look up rainbow kiss- Bill Cosby

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