Time jokes

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.

Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.

Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.

Why was the rapper always on time?

Because they had mad flow!

Why was the rapper always on time?

Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!

I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

What goes up but never comes down?

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

I poo 11 times a day.

"What time is it?"

"Daytime."

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

What's the only time a Pentagon has four sides? When a plane intercepts into it.