Time jokes

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)

iykyk

Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"

....yes, it is "long time no see."

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

What do Karens do when they have free time?

They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

"Have fun at school night" is what?

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"