Things jokes
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
Why do emo people go to the store with no money?
Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.