Things jokes

What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Sorry man... I kinda messed those things up.

MMM ppl just chat random things together.... JUST WRITE JOKES YA'LL!

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.

Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.

These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.

My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.

Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.