Things jokes

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.

These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.

My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.