The 800+ Best Things Jokes

Most annoying thing... When we send something in What's app thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period

What's Michael Jackson's favourite thing to do on guitar? Fingering A minor

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

People say that life is short I say... Life is the longest thing we ever do

What’s the best thing about Alzheimer’s? You can hide your own Easter Egg’s!!

Things you never want to do in jail - never piss off an inmate - don’t start fights with the cops - don’t drop the soap - don’t run away from the cops

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

What is boring? Talking about boring things

1 your so dumb you thing Cheerios are donut seeds! 2. Your so fat you could sell shade! 3. Your just like coconut water, nobody likes you! 4 you been shopping lately because there selling lives around the corner, you should go get one! If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence !! Are these good

Why don’t mountains 🏔 take things serious?

Because they’re hill areas.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..." Me: "Honestly...Probably his ass."

when you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad. Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”