Things jokes
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Most annoying thing...
When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
What is boring? Talking about boring things.
Why don’t mountains take things seriously?
Because they’re hill areas.
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
If you're in a roast battle with a homophobe and they are talking mad shit, just say:
"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.