There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Your so poor people break into your house and leave things
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Patient: I'm starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
It's funny how Stephen hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking but he can't do any of those things
What's worse than failed attempted suicide? The pity looks people gives you and people keeps u away from 'dangerous' things
What’s one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repletedly told him to look where he was going
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that i've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
I've been hit by several things in my life. Sadly, never a car.
What is boring? Talking about boring things
Girl: Come Over. Orphan: I can't. Girl: My parents aren't home ;) Orphan: Just two things I don't have.
Why don’t mountains 🏔 take things serious?
Because they’re hill areas.
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things then she told me to go live in it
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for 20$ an hour.
Where are average things manafactured? The satisfactory!
