Things jokes
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?
Marriage.
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
Your fay.
Well, you're the thing that sunk the Titanic.
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Hey girl, are you a scientist?
Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!