Things jokes

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

Your fay.

Well, you're the thing that sunk the Titanic.

Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.

What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?

Marriage.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

What's the worst living thing on planet earth?

Humans.

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.

Hey! My balls are on your thing!

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?

Adolf Hit-her.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"