Things jokes

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

What's the worst living thing on planet earth?

Humans.

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.

Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?

The second hour is free.

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?

Adolf Hit-her.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.