I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
MMM ppl just chat random things together.... JUST WRITE JOKES YA'LL!
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
Hey girl, are you a scientist?
Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
