Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
