Things jokes
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.
Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.