Things jokes
The president of a company comes in to talk to his employees. He says, "As you know, sales have been way down and many of you are not meeting your quotas. We decided to SHAKE things up a bit and introduce you to our new Vice President: Michael J. Fox."
I talk with a friend about something and there comes Quandangle, things with his shoes, and I'm just like, "Bro, what the heeeeel?"
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What's that thing that walks on two legs, washes dishes, sucks my cock, cooks, cleans, bends over for me and never fucking shuts up?
Femoids.
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
What’s the craziest thing Kurt Cobain released?
The safety.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
No matter how black the person is, that cum will still be the whitest thing you'll ever see.
Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.
What was the last thing going through the 9/11 victims' minds?
They don't say "shit for brains" for nothing. 🤣🤣
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
The only thing the orphan learned from his dad is the hide-and-seek skill to hide for 18 years. He tried it out; now he has infinite milk.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
What is smaller than my dick?
Nothing.