Things jokes
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.
They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!