Thereness jokes
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?
Bubbles:...
Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.
Alabama: 😈
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!
When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's Cubes?
Because they're good at separating colors.
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
How are an orphan and baseball different from each other?
A baseball game has a home run.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he just asked her to move.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?
There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.
Wanna hear a joke? Just look in the mirror, the joke's there!
There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?