Thereness jokes

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

There's something on your chin. No, not that one, the third row.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

Why don't orphans have a site page?

Because there's no home page.

Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.

Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:

1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps

What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?

There's twenty of them.

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?

Because there's too many ears.

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.