The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring
There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What did the rope say to me?
"hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.
Your hairline’s so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there
I hate family reunions
I see too many of my ex’s there
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
