So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

‘There is no God.’

• Stephen Hawking (2011)

‘There is no Stephen Hawking’

• God (2018)

Son:DAD DAD OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

Dad:WHATS WRONG ARE YOU OK?!

SOn:MIA ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE ON FEBRUARY 30th

Dad:Cas theres no february 30th?

Why cant a orphan go to mcdonalds theres no point in the words happy meal

Whats the worst part of a down syndrom relationship? Theres more downs then ups!

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said “lets play a game”. so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says “A” little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself “well he might say something like a$$” so the teacher calls on sally. sally say “apple”. the teacher says “B” little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though “no he might say something like b!tch”. so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says “R” little Johnny raises his hand and say “me me please I really know one”. then the teacher thinks to herself “well theres no cuss word that starts with R” so she said “ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R” little Johnny says “a rat!” and the teacher very pleased say “very good Johnny what type of rat” little Johnny says “A big gosh damn mother freaker”. sorry I had to edit some word but y’all know what I meant.

theres something on ur chin… no the 3rd one

theres something on your chin no not that one the 3rd row

My dad told me i’m a failure… I failed a math’s test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.

One day I was on my phone then I got a text message from my Girl Friend, “Hey Sexy boy wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean…” then I just stopped and froze I read the message I said, “Yeah sure…” she replied really fast, “Theres going to be a few people there ok.” but i didn’t read the next message… she said, “Come right at 12:00 AM.” but i didn’t read it I walked into her house but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise and it sounded like HER!! so I hide behind the couch and I looked through the open door and saw somthing I didn’t want to see… Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Why can’t you tell a joke in a corn maze

because theres too many ears

There are 4 people ona plane while its crashing and there are only 3 parachutes theres opera, Obama a little girl and, Trump opera grabs. Parachute and says, “I’m famous i get one” And Trump grabs one and says, “Well im president of cource i get one” and obama looks at the little girl and says, “Since your the future or our generation take the last one” the little girl hugs obama and says, “Actually we can both have one Trump took my backpack”

Theres a new cooking programme on bbc1 . The contestants are victims of domestic violence. Its called cant cook … right hook

If theres a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear

so the coach got mad at me cause im the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum and i was just keeping the ball to myself and the coach pulled me aside and said pass to others i said why and he said theres no i in team and i said ya but theres an m e

Theres something special about cemeteries People are dying to get inside

THIS ISNT A JOKE I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A JOKE THE PLANE IN LAKE HARREIT IS NOT IN THE LAKE IT IS INVISIBLE CAUSE OF THE SATALITE PIC SO THERES NO PLANE IN LAKE HARRIET

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk? Theres money in my wallet for pizza I love you.

Whats the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds?

• theres twenty of them