Thereness jokes
Virginia is false advertising. Couldn't find many virgins there.
What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?
The apple... the emo just hangs there.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're parents left you."
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”
That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].
When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."
Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!
Peace out! <3
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause there's no home base...
There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
On April Fool's, go to an orphanage and tell them that their parents are here to pick them up.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.