Thereness jokes
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ahoy Mateys.
Ahoy Mateys who?
Ahoy mateys, balls fit in your mouth? LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
What do you tell a depressed person?
Just hang in there!
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"There's a great singer inside of you."
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Donut.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)
"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))
And slice jokes!
What kind of "slices"?
Handy ones. ^_^
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nacho.
Nacho who?
Nacho Cheese!
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"