That jokes

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?

It rocked!

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.

What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.

Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.