That Jokes

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?

Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?

Because she wanted that D.

You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.

Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!

Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

That camping trip was in-tents.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Orphan: What's a mama?

Random kid: *shook*

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"