That jokes

What do you call an orphan that takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.

Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!

Did you hear about that Muslim party?

It was a blast!

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!

Did you know that the letter "f" in "orphan" stands for family?