I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
That Jokes
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?
Carlos!
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?
Father-less.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
