That jokes

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that its family photo?

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrel-elephant ;)

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?

To prove that he was not chicken.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Robin.

Robin who?

Robin you, that is who.

What do you call a band made of cheese?

Grate That!

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!