That jokes

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Roast

I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.

Skinny

You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.

Hairline

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

Hairline

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Woman

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Dumpster

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Aboriginal

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

Twin Towers

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

Hairline

Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.

Emo

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

Dark Humor

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."