That jokes

Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?

Because she wanted that D.

You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.

Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!

Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

That camping trip was in-tents.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Orphan: What's a mama?

Random kid: *shook*

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.

Let's just say Dawn got very mad.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!